Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
