At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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