i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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