It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
