Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
