I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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