Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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