I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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