I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
