Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
being pregnant is like rehab
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
