so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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