hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
