You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
