Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How naked do you want me to be?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
