i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
