I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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