Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
