420 ftw
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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