i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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