i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
too bad you live with your parents still
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
