dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
