seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
