went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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