Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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