grandma shit on top of the toilet
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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