i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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