Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
