I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
