FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
