Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
