dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
