Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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