She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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