yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
