Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
