If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
