Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Jerry, you need to find god
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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