Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
