I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
