I hate your face
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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