All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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