let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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