They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
