shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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