he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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