At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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