im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
