she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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