Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize