Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
