Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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