They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
