ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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