angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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