I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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