My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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