Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
