I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize