I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
