i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Let's paint friendship bongs
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
