All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
