I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
