dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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