did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
