I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
