And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
