Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
