Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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